The Other Side of the Barrel
by Infamousplot
Summary: Does he have any idea how much it hurts? The pain of losing someone, of knowing it's your fault? Seeing they're okay, thinking for one second that everything is going to be alright, only to have them rip your heart out and stab you in the back? Does he know how THAT feels? And an even better question... Does he even care? Trust your partner. Yeah. Right. Yet somehow, he still does.


**Title:** The Other Side of the Barrel

**Summary:** Does he have any idea how much it hurts? The pain of losing someone, of knowing it's your fault? Of seeing that they're okay, thinking for one second that everything is going to be alright... Only to have them rip your heart out and stab you in the back? Does he know how THAT feels? And an even better question... Does he even care? Trust your partner... Yeah. Right. Somehow though, in the end... He still does.

**Rating:** T, for language, and because TWEWY is a T Game, so better safe than sorry :P

**Characters:** Neku (Joshua)

**A/N:** The legitimate/official partner-fic to Ten Seconds. _Technically_, Perfect was the partner-fic to this, but I consider Perf to be more of a... Spiritual prequel to Ten. For those of you who haven't read Ten Seconds, it's Joshua's side of the story (maybe I should have started with Neku, but Joshua gives me more plot bunnies). Special thanks to Cherished Tenshi, my official FFN TWEWY Spazzing Buddy, and PenfullofChaos819, for his wonderful reviews and moral support :)

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* * *

_"There's only one way to stay alive in Shibuya. Trust your partner."_

* * *

"Ten..."

This isn't happening. He cannot believe that this is happening. He can't. He _won't._ It's just a nightmare. A horrible, twisted nightmare. Any second now, Beat or Shiki will shake him awake, because he passed out or something, and they'll tell him to be more careful and not to worry them at a time like this. And then they'll keep going, and they'll find the Composer- who _won't_ be Josh, because Josh was _erased_, he saw it happen, he was there- and they'll beat the snot out of the punk. And finally, they will all go home, back to their lives, and everything will be okay.

"Nine..."

Except it won't. Because this isn't a dream, and he won't be waking up any time soon. The gun hanging limply in his hands is real, too real to be something that his mind has made up. It's cold, and it hurts in his palms as he tightens his grip. Beat and Shiki are nowhere to be seen. It's just the two of them now, him and Josh- no, him and the _Composer._ There's a click from across the room, the sound of a gun loading. A sob wracks Neku's chest and he knows that it's real too. All of it is.

"Eight..."  
Through his bangs he can see him standing there, cold amusement in his eyes. He's got that damn smirk plastered on his face, so calm and complacent, like he's had this all figured out for ages. Which he has. This is just a part of his plan, this was how it was meant to end all along. Neku's been a pawn in this game the whole time, and he never even knew it. He feels like such an idiot. He'd been right about Josh at the beginning, and the little prick had tricked him. He'd lied to him. He'd made him _care._ There's a bitter taste in Neku's mouth, an anger starting to boil up inside of him. He'd killed him. Joshua had killed him, _shot_ him, and now, he's going to do it again. He's going to destroy Shibuya, destroy his home, his friends.

"Seven..."

He realizes, as he grips the gun between his hands and raises it up to aim it at (his killer, his murderer, his partner his _friend_ why why _why_) the Composer, that he can't let that happen. He _won't_ let it happen. Won't lose his friends, his family, his home- all of these things he's come to love in this wonderful, wonderful world. An anger like nothing he's ever felt burns through him, coursing through his veins, twitching on the trigger. Screw honor. Why wait? Why leave things up to chance? Why not just pull the damned thing now?

"Six..."

Joshua's eyes still have that cold amusement in them, and it only makes Neku's anger rage harder. He just looks so smug, so pleased with himself. Does he have any idea how painful these past three weeks have been? How hard it's all been for him, putting himself out there, breaking down these barriers he's put so much effort into building up? He's struggled every day, for twenty-one freaking days, just to survive. He's learned to care about others again, only to have them ripped away from him... Learned to trust people, only to have them turn around and rip his heart right out of his chest. Does he know how much _that_ hurts? The emptiness and the guilt of losing someone, of knowing deep down that it's your fault, that you could have stopped it? The joy and relief of seeing that they're okay, that they aren't gone, they're right here and now everything is going to be alright- and the horror and the rage and the misery of watching as they aim a gun at you and start counting down from ten, with that _goddamn smirk_ on their face? And an even better question... Does he even care?

Neku will do it, he decides, as he raises the gun. He'll kill him, make him pay for what he did, for what he's been planning to do. That monster. That traitor. That stupid, prissy, annoying, lying, back-stabbing little piece of _shit-_

"Five..."

His hands begin to shake as another sob tries to escape him. Suddenly, his hands feel heavy and numb, clumsily trying to hold onto his weapon. He can't make it stay up. He just can't do it. Which is stupid, because if he doesn't he'll be _dead_ (no, deader than dead, more like wiped from freaking existence), and if anyone he's ever met deserves to be shot in the face it's most definitely Joshua- stupid, girly, obnoxious Joshua, the first person to ever really understand him... The only one that he understood. Another sob chokes its way out of him, and he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to block out that _face_. The only person whom he could ever truly relate to, is going to kill him. Again. And then, he'll destroy his home, and his family, and everything that he loves. Shiki, Beat, his friends... For the first time in such a very long time, he actually has _friends._ People he cares about, people that care about him.

"Four..."

And it's sad, because for awhile, he'd actually thought that Josh was one of those people too.

"Three."

He lets the gun drop to his side, because who is he kidding, really? He can't do it. Maybe he should, but he can't. Joshua is a liar and a traitor and a dickwad (and why would he do this to him, why would he want this, why why _why?_), but even if Neku digs into his most fervent animosity, he can't bring himself to lift the gun back up. Because even now, with Joshua aiming a shotgun at his heart, wearing that awful little smirk, probably thinking of the best way to level Shibuya once he's out of the way for good... Josh is still his partner. And, like Mr. H always said... You've got to trust your partner.

"Two."

Hah. 'Trust your partner'. What a great load of good that's done for him. It really doesn't seem to be paying off now. His fingers loosen and he releases the gun. It clatters to the ground near his feet. He opens his eyes, and right away wishes he hadn't, because Joshua is still standing there and that same look is still on his face. And even if Neku could somehow reach his gun and load it in time, he knows that he wouldn't. Shiki and Beat's faces flash through his mind, and silently, he offers his apologies. He wishes things could be different. He finds himself thinking of Rhyme, too. Sota and Nao, Ken Doi, 777, all those kids he'd played Tin Pin with... Even Mr. H. People that he'd met, people he'd gotten to know as something a little more than just faces passing by. Soon they'll all be gone, yes, but at least he'd gotten to meet them. He could almost laugh at the sick, twisted humor of it all- how ironic this all really is. Because if he hadn't been in the Games then he never would have given these people a second glance, never would have thought to talk to them, much less get to know them. If he hadn't died, then he never would have met his friends, never would have been able to put himself out there and _trust_ again- and now, it's because of this painful little thing called trust that he's about to lose everything he's been fighting for. Yes, if he wasn't trying so hard not to dissolve into tears again, then maybe he could better appreciate the sadistic sense of humor the universe seemed to have.

"One."

There's a loud crack that shatters the otherwise oppressing silence of the room, and Neku feels the bullet as it tears into his chest. Pain blooms through him, and he can't keep his knees from buckling. He falls to the ground with a thud that he hardly feels, because it pales so utterly in comparison to the blazing pain within his chest. It hurts. It hurts. It all hurts, every bit of it, from ten to one. He wants to scream out, but he can't even think of the words, and his head is throbbing. He's not sure if it's quiet because there's no noise, or if it's quiet because he's gone deaf and he doesn't know if he's crying again or if it's all in his head and it hurts it hurts it _hurts_

His visions blurs as the room seems to spin. Something red is glinting, winking at him in the dim light, and he realizes with a fuzzy sort of horror that oh _shit_ that's his blood. He's bleeding. He's been fucking shot, and it hurts like hell, and now he's dying_, again-_

_and he'll never see the others again and they're all gonna die and it's his fault all his fault why didn't he do something why would josh do this why does he want this why why why_

He's still staring at Joshua as the arrows of pain that keep piercing through him turn to ice. His whole body starts to feel numb, as his eyelids become so heavy that it's a struggle just to keep them open. He's trying to push himself, he realizes- trying to resist erasure, even if just for a little bit, even if just to say that he put up a fight, that he _tried_- but beyond the stream of smoke coming from the barrel of Josh's gun, and beyond that God awful smirk, he can see it. Oblivion. It's right there, looming ominously just behind his killer.

His eyes slide closed as that awful smirk begins to fade away into the (increasingly welcoming) emptiness of Oblivion, and he feels his will to fight ebbing away. He can't feel the pain any more. Everything is cold. He remembers this feeling, from the first time, except now, he isn't going to get another shot. Fleetingly, he sees Shiki and Beat's faces once more in his mind, and he can't help but think that, even if it's all going to Hell now, at least he'd managed to make the best of his second chance.

And even now as his eyes finally shut and the deafening silence consumes him, Neku somehow knows... Even if he could have hit some sort of save point, if he could have started over from ten again...

_He still wouldn't have pulled the trigger._


End file.
